Thankful for Cancer

Thankful was not my first feeling.  When dad let us know a routine checkup had revealed a strange lump on his neck, I felt sick.  When the biopsy revealed that we were "going to be fighting something," I was mad, and I told God, "You're mean" and "I hate you." Even as I said it I knew I didn't really mean it, but it was such a relief to utter those words at the time.  And as more tests confirmed that chemo and radiation are going to be the ingredients to a possible cure, I have somehow arrived at the feeling of thankful.  But I don't think it was a direct course, so I need to reflect on the moments of thankful that crept in during the darkness and have somehow grown to overtake it and burn a brighter light.

I am thankful for TIMING.
Last May Dad sold his business of 30 years, and over the past few months he has taken care of all the loose ends so that he is now free from this responsibility.  This means that as he starts the journey of healing, he will not have any distractions, and whatever time he needs to take to come out on the other side of this has been granted to him.

I am thankful for LOCATION.
Just over a year ago Choonghwan and I moved back to Knoxville.  This has put us in a unique spot to be helpers for my parents as they need it over the next few months. 

I am thankful for BROTHERS.
Somewhere along the way these little brothers have turned into men who seek the Lord in their lives and offer the love of Christ to their sister who may be older and wiser, but is not always stronger.  They have watched me wipe my tears over video chats and listened to my voice crack over the phone.  They have let me share my deepest fears without judgment and have shown me compassion in my weakness.

I am thankful for SISTERS.
I have been gifted with one sister who is highly competent in the medical field, and who has kept all of us up to speed on the terminology and outcomes while remaining extremely encouraging and hopeful.  I have been blessed with another sister who has the talent of fleshing-things-out, and who has been a go-to when I struggle with the frustrations of this diagnosis.  Both of my sisters offer me a place to speak freely and receive community when I need it.

I am thankful for PSALMS.
I am thankful for the verses that have been revealed to me to draw me near, to give me hope, and to comfort me.
When we first received news of the lump and were waiting for the results of the needle biopsy: "He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD." Psalm 112:7
When we knew that the biopsy had revealed "something" but were waiting to find out what it was and still praying for healing: "Tremble, O earth, at the presence of the Lord, at the presence of the God of Jacob, who turned the rock into a pool, the hard rock into springs of water." Psalm 114:7
And even as I was fearing the worst: "Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints." Psalm 116: 15

I am thankful for WEATHER.
Tonight's news came on the eve of a snow day, affording me the time to talk with my parents, my brothers, my sisters, and my friends into the late hours of the evening.

I am thankful for FRIENDS.
Along the way I've been endeared friends who have met my dad and know not only my deep love for him, but also his genuine love for others.  I know these friends will bear with me in love and in prayer.  I know they will talk to God on our behalf with words I cannot muster.  I know they will cry with me, and even laugh with me because they know there is healing in laughter.  They will not let me walk alone.

I am thankful for WORDS.
I need these thoughts to be tangible.  I will need to look back and be reminded, and I will need to move forward and make additions.  I will continue to proclaim thankfulness because the alternative is a lie.  I will not be deceived into believing that I have nothing to be thankful for.

Thankful for Cancer.  I had a question mark at the end of the title when I started.  Thankful for Cancer?  That seems a bit cynical.  So I'm deleting the punctuation.  Thankful for Cancer.  I am.

Chihuly at Cheekwood

Some amazing blown glass sculptures at Cheekwood. I hope we are able to go back and take a few more pictures!

finishing touches

Just an update for mom... this old mirror is a perfect touch! Thanks, thanks!

Living Room

For Our Guests

Master Bedroom

The Kitchen

Posting these first for Jana. :) I do love the openness of this kitchen. In Choonghwan's words, "It's very friendly." I don't feel trapped like I did in the apartment; I can work in the kitchen and visit with my guests- or my husband. Maybe I'll actually be in here more!

A few pictures...

Just a few snapshots of our new house as we s l o w l y get things together.

The sunroom... my favorite room!

the view from the sunroom...

your room when you come and stay with us !

I'll post more eventually, but hopefully that will satisfy some of you for now. :)

Intergalactic!

Nashville is host to the "Intergalactic Bead Show" which I stumbled upon a few years ago when I saw a sign that said "BEADS --->" and told Choonghwan to follow that sign! I look forward to the upcoming shows as I know that I will be able to find great deals on beautiful and unique beads that will make beautiful jewelry pieces.

I was so happy with my recent purchase of some staples and some pretties. I'm posting "before" pictures of the beads and may actually get around to posting some of the finished products as well.

at $2-$3 a strand, these are deals!

cleaned, shiny, and ready to be purposed!

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Gill's Mountain

It's beginning to look a lot like...

Well, really it's not. The Christmas season is a ways off, but I have found some great deals on beads and have enjoyed creating some "festive" holiday jewelry. I will stock them at Men of Measure around mid-November, but have put a few pair online at my 'etsy' shop: http://www.crossfield.etsy.com/.

Or, if you're interested in purchasing a pair 'direct', you know how to find me!

Busy Beading

Just a few of my recent summertime creations.

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Check out a few other items at http://www.crossfield.etsy.com/

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Kimbab

One of our summertime favorites that we never actually made in Korea because it was so cheap to go buy it. About $1 a roll made it the perfect food to pick up and take on a picnic or a road trip.

Preparation for this can be a doozie, and you only want to make it if you're planning on making a lot. Also, it doesn't keep very well... although I discovered a trick for leftovers that I will tell you at the end of the post.

Okay... first is preparation of ingredients:

Fry eggs into a thin omelette. This square pan is perfect!

Cut carrots into long strips and saute with a bit of olive oil and salt. Put them aside.

Also cut cucumbers into long strips. (No need to cook these.)
Here we actually used turkey sausage, cut into long strips and browned. Koreans use imitation crab, ham, or sweet marinated ground beef. The ground beef is really our favorite, but takes a lot of prep time.

The key to any kimbab is the pickled radish. These should glow when you turn off the lights, and you can buy them pre-sliced or do it yourself. If they are pre-sliced, it's good to rinse them before you put them in the kimbab.

And, of course, you need the kim (seaweed) and the bab (rice)! A friend taught me to season the rice with a bit of salt, sugar, vinegar and sesame oil. I think she is a genious! Once you've got everything prepared, put it all out on the table and get down to it!

Spread a thin layer of rice onto a sheet of seaweed. Add all the fixin's.

I don't know what this tool is called, but you'll need it to help you roll the kimbab.

Once it's rolled tightly, it's ready to be sliced to eat immediately or wrapped (not refrigerated!) to be cut later.
We like them thinly sliced and Choonghwan thinks the ends, although ugly, are the best part!

Okay, like I said, do not refrigerate these guys. The rice will harden and then it's over. You can cover them with saran wrap or aluminum foil. It is best to slice the rolls right before you serve them. You have to make these the day you plan on serving them.

If there are leftovers after everyone is full, you can refrigerate them overnight. (better than just tossing them out!) Then, the next day, dip them in egg on both sides and lightly fry each side and serve hot. If you don't finish those, say "adios!" and don't make as much next time!